


Horrid Nights and Hot Chocolate

by Goldstone_Wolf



Category: Hermitcraft RPF
Genre: Anxiety Attacks, Food mentions, Gen, Hot Chocolate, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Mentioned Gun Violence, Misgendering, Nightmares, Panic Attacks, Transphobia, X has a bad night, also for pre-story notes beware of:, beware of politics in the pre-story notes, deadnaming, just let me know, nearly had a panic attack writing this so it may not be up to snuff, no beta we die like me in minecraft easy mode, self-care, stay safe i may have missed something, tis a vent fic y'all, tws for:
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-04
Updated: 2020-11-04
Packaged: 2021-03-08 19:27:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,161
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27381931
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Goldstone_Wolf/pseuds/Goldstone_Wolf
Summary: Xisuma has a really bad dream and goes to check on one of the hermits. It ends with early morning hot drinks and some reassurements.[Written until it was done, this is a vent fic; TWs are in tags]
Relationships: ALL PLATONIC, GoodTimesWithScar & Xisumavoid (Video Blogging RPF)
Comments: 5
Kudos: 66





	Horrid Nights and Hot Chocolate

**Author's Note:**

> I am several chapters ahead on “THatQftCC”, I have the flats and some of the glow worked out for the cover of Vanguard, I have less than a hundred pages of Vanguard to edit, and my anxiety is going crackers and bananas right now so I’m going to project it all onto the Minecraft persona of a YouTube content creator. Obviously some stuff has been changed, like I didn’t know this person but obviously Xisuma’s going to know all the hermits. But yeah.  
> Skip this paragraph if you don’t want a rant. We also apparently had a shooting in my town and I have anxiety with guns and fireworks because of a thing freshman year where there was a thing that had to do with blank cartridges and unarmed guns being waved around while people screamed at us and I had a panic attack that was so bad I physically could not walk (if you remember my Hermitober 2020 chapter “In the Heights”, that is the panic attack I’m talking about). Then my mom and I talked politics in the car and she said she wanted Pence for presidential candidate and I had to be like “I don’t like Pence” and I think I made her mad and it felt like eggshell-walking for the next two hours afterwards so yeah on top of constant misgendering (which they know about) and deadnaming (which is maybe accidental but they refuse to use my nickname so…eh?) apparently my rights to *live* are now a debate topic in my house.  
> Anyways, let’s jump into this before I have a panic attack!

Bolting awake, Xisuma glanced around.

Rubbing the sides of their head, they took a few breaths and then sat up in bed, shivering from the cold. The jungle had been getting unusually cold lately, even when they’d changed back to their bee armour they hadn’t gotten any warmer. The image of the—no, no, they couldn’t think of that. _Don’t think about it, don’t think about it, don’t think about it._

_What if Scar’s dead?_ Taking a few breaths, X looked out at the window to the outside world. The sky was still a dark, lavender-toned blue hue. Along the eastern horizon, there were little stripes of pale yellow where the sun was about to emerge over the mountains in the distance. _I can check on him right now. That’d be okay, right? I’m the admin, I can check in on the hermits…sometimes._

_No, no, he’s fine, you’re fine, check the messages._ Pulling out their communicator, Xisuma glanced into their bathroom and froze. Taking a breath and shaking their head, they scolded themself for being an idiot and scared. They couldn’t be scared. They were Xisuma. They were the admin. It was their job to be the responsible one, not the scared one.

So, yeah, they were going to check on Scar, actually.

Grabbing some food from one of their many chests, Xisuma took off and flew to Scar’s and the others’ jungle. Firing off more rockets, they glanced through the trees. _It’s fine it’s fine everything’s going to be fine. Just breathe just breathe just breathe._ The lovely shell of Larry appeared and they kicked their legs forward to land in the wet grass at the foot of the shell. Somewhere deeper in the trees, a parrot or a creeper hissed. Xisuma nearly jumped out of their armour. Planting a hand on their chest, they took a quick breath and closed their eyes. Then, they started climbing up the ladder and knocked quietly on Scar’s door, praying everything would be fine. _Please be fine. Please be fine please be fine_ please be fine he’s gone he’s dead he’s not going to make it he’s dying he’s dying he’s dying he’s died and I didn’t know and—

The door opened.

“Xisuma?” Scar frowned and tilted his head to the side slightly, watching Xisuma curiously. “Hey, hey, what’s wrong?” Taking a few breaths, Xisuma realised that they were probably freaking him out but they couldn’t calm down. “Okay, okay, come here, come on.” They were guided into Scar’s main room and gently guided to sit down on a bench. “Hey, hey, breathe with me. Breathe with me. You’re hyperventilating.”

“Sorry—”

“No, no, don’t apologise. Just breathe with me, you’re going to be alright.” Someone else appeared in the room, a flash of green, and Xisuma jerked their head up to see Iskall walking in. Scar pulled one of X’s hands to his chest, breathed in slowly and evenly as Iskall walked over. “Hey, inhale, exhale. Like this.” Scar sucked in a breath loudly, and Xisuma tried to copy him for a few moments as their breathing shook. They were shaking, they were going to lose control.

“Hey, X, is it okay if I touch you? You don’t have to talk, just nod or shake your head.” Iskall whispered, and X shakily nodded before they felt the other hermit wrap their arms around them from behind. Even with the armour, even with everything else. Meanwhile, Grian and Mumbo appeared, and Xisuma suddenly felt like such an idiot. They should have checked the communicators, there had to have been some kind of communication between the four to have gotten them all to Larry at the same night. Some warning or—

“No, no, stop blaming yourself. Breathe. Grian, can you get Jellie? Mumbo, I have some hot chocolate in the kitchen. Can you make us all some?” Mumbo nodded and Grian went over as well. Iskall pulled them closer, rubbing their arms, and Xisuma’s breathing deteriorated even more. “X—”

“I’m fine, I just—just let it happen—too late—” Coughing, Xisuma grabbed onto Iskall, needed something to ground themself to the world. Usually, they were better than this, they could head off some panic attacks before they could even happen. Sometimes, though, they could get out of hand and Xisuma’s easiest solution was just to let it run its course. _You screwed up you screwed up you’re scaring them you’re scaring them you’re going to freak them out and they’re going to ditch you idiot—_

_I can’t breathe—_

_—they’re all going to think that you’re a freak—_

_What if this is something worse? What if I’m actually going to die from this? Can you even die from a panic attack?_

Iskall’s hands rubbed up and down their shoulders and they could feel a bit of an ache in their bones. Shuddering, they took a few short and panicked breaths, tears rolling down their face. They started clawing at their helmet weakly, pulled it off with Iskall and Scar’s help and set it to the side. “Is that better?” Weakly, Xisuma nodded again, and something furry landed in their lap. “Okay, just let us know when you’re winding down and we’ll help where we can/ Are you sure you just want to let it run through?”

Nodding again, X clutched onto Iskall as tightly as they could, and Grian gently touched their arm. It was a while before the attack finally subsided, and they leaned back into Iskall after taking a breath. “Hey, you’re okay. You’re okay.” Grian reassured, smiling softly at them, and Xisuma nodded weakly as they leaned back into Iskall more.

Mumbo returned, holding hot chocolate on a tray. Steam trailed from each of the cups, and Scar took one and handed it over to Xisuma. Holding it in both hands, they smiled softly. Everything was kind of shaky and unsteady— _probably shouldn’t walk for a bit, might not be able to._ “Thanks.” They whispered, and Scar nodded once before taking a cup of and placing it by Iskall’s hip.

“Try not to bump it.” Iskall nodded and then took a breath, looping one arm around Xisuma’s waist to hold them close. “What happened, X? Do you want to talk about it?”

Blowing down and then taking a sip, Xisuma shrugged and tried to talk. They knew they needed to. It was smart, they had to depend on their hermits just as much as the hermits had to depend on them. “I…had a dream you…killed yourself.” They looked to Scar, who smiled sympathetically and then touched their shoulder.

“Don’t worry, not going anywhere. See?” He took Xisuma’s hand, gently pressed their fingers to the pulse point in his neck.

“It was stupid. Just a dream.” Xisuma pulled their knees up a little bit, and Grian and Mumbo sat down on Scar’s other side as he settled beside them.

Scar pulled them into a side hug, and X closed their eyes.

**Author's Note:**

> Didn’t go into detail because I tried and then almost triggered a panic attack. Or…anxiety attack. It’s one of the two, I don’t know which but my parents think that a therapist is more likely to help than an actual diagnosis might (another pair of fun facts about me—not only am I allergic to Cheetos, the idea of going to a therapy session makes me incredibly nervous). Also a lot of stuff ended up changing but whatever.


End file.
